Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
