He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
