please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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