awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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