It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
