look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
