I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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