Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
