I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
soo... how was my night?
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