No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
