We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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