And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Vodka?
Forever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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