Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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