like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
