Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
