She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
