you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
