Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
