Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
