If i come over, it means nothing
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
