ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
