Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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