the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
