and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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