You work out of a Hotel?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
