Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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