she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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