Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
