I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
