Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
