I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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