The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
