Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
