Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
