those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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