I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
