god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
