boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
