Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
