garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
