I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to make out with him forever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We're too hungover to prance.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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