Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
