I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
