): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
