I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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