Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
