how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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