Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
