I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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