dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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