they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
