I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
