3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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