well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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