I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
