shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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