Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
