I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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