I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
