she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
