He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
