thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
