Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
