Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
