My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
