So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
