We won't sleep together?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
