I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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