I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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