The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
