No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
