I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
