I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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