so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
