they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The power of my boobs compel you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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