We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
