TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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