shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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