he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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