They should really pass out barf bags in church
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
