All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
